EMG

Oh, you are wondering what EMG means? It's a method of torture, formerly used in the Tower of London, adapted for the medical profession, neurologists in particular. They bring in a special portable machine, mark dots on your body...particularly in the places you already hurt the most...stick needles into those dots and then zap you with an electric current. After it's over, you discover that it actually was helpful. You decide to lie to them and say you have had a miracle cure and are just fine, so you'll never have to have that experience again.

Urologists have a similar thing they do: Torture the patient with testing so they'll prefer to endure the problem rather than go through the tests again. I won't bore you with details but let's just say there are some things that were never meant to be seen.

Then after that, they tell you it's either a food allergy or you have 6 days to live, but they aren't sure which. I'm going to hate having to give up my antipasta and wine during American Idol.